January 28, 2012

With My Nemisis, the Cheese Platter at the CTC, December 23, 2011, Weight: 228

Date: January 28, 2012

Day #: 313

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/27): 216

Cardio Exercise: 45 Minutes

Food Intake: C

Didn’t feel like doing much exercise today – actually felt lazy and still felt guilty about last night’s pig fest – shameful display. Tonight was night two of EARNEST and a cast member whose family runs one of the town’s best deli’s brought us grilled chicken sandwiches, onion rings and fries – the smell was incredible, but I was good and just had the sandwich. There was a nice gift to the cast of a box of chocolates, which I had more than I should – as Forrest Gump kinda said, “Life is like a box of chocolates, and fat people can’t keep their paws out of ‘em.” Free food; it always goes back to free food. Going on a three day mini-vacay to the ATL tomorrow – exercise should be accomplished in the gym, it’s just a matter of eating smart without a home base. My record seems to be that I struggle a bit at the beginning of the week’s cycle (my week begins on Friday after weigh-in) and comes through towards the end of the week. People at the theatre this evening who haven’t seen me in a while have been tres complimentary, but I am beginning to get the “you can’t lose anymore” comments, which is nice, but the reality is that I weigh (see above) and am 5’11 and my ideal weight should “peak” in the 180s, which I am not near. People shouldn’t concern themselves that I’m anorexic. After Karen Carpenter’s death I read a book about it and while it is truly a horrid existence I could never suffer from it – I love food, and this blog should demonstrate aptly that my appetite has been controlled but is far from cured; I can personally not envision a time in which I will not tear into a platter of cheese or a Thanksgiving turkey. And no movie popcorn? Forgettaboutit! Lisa Lampanelli’s underwhelming book CHOCOLATE PLEASE chronicled her struggles with weight in which she went to a facility for eating disorders in which the overeaters were housed with the anorexics and bulimics – she says that it’s a different side of the same coin. I’m not so sure: one seems curable while someone who overeats will have the cravings their whole life. Thoughts?

January 27, 2012

January 27, 2012; Weight 216

Date: January 27, 2012

Day #: 312

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/27): 216

Cardio Exercise: 120 Minutes

Food Intake: F

So it was a success on the scales! Lost 6 pounds this week, which means the exercise plus the 6/7 days of eating right paid off – the “bad night” did not monkey wrench the week, which is good, considering tonight was another “monkey wrench.” But first the good news, I have lost over 150 pounds now, dropping a total of 153 pounds in 312 days. And since tonight was opening night I received such a lovely round of compliments from so many nice people, including complete strangers! Two people I did not know walked up to me and commented that they had read the article in the paper (“Actor Loses 100 Pounds in Six Months”) and were impressed. NO AUTOGRAPHS PLEASE! Just kidding, of course. Of course, the bad thing about opening night was the cheese. And the crackers. And the bread. And the candy. And the cookies. And the nice arrangement that made it seem never-ending. So yes, it’s an F. Even though I had already had 80 minutes of exercise earlier in the day when I got home, around midnight, I hit the treadmill with the same intensity that I showed the cheese. As I discovered last week one bad night will not kill me, BUT on Sunday I’m heading for Atlanta for three days. It is possible to eat healthy on a vacation – I’ve done, BUT without your own groceries and your own kitchen it makes it a tad more difficult.  But I’ll savor the success and hold the head high.

January 26, 2012

Christmas, 1984

Date: January 26, 2012

Day #: 311

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/20): 222

Cardio Exercise: 60 Minutes

Food Intake: A

I have never had so little food and still fill so full; my diet was horrible today – not over points but full of weird tastes that hit my stomach like a sack of Krystal’s. The combination of a Sprite Zero and a Granny Smith Apple was a symphony of foul that made me feel like Geraldine Page at the end of INTERIORS. I also tried the tuna fish sandwich sans mayo, which, while not horrible, was an odd consistency. Tech week ended tonight and except for the F grade from Wednesday I was able to have good eating habits while not starving myself. I even hit the gym after rehearsal for 60 minutes of exercise since I had no time during the day. When people see the Ashley Olsen-gaunt face I have going they always tell me not to starve myself – believe me, starving myself is something I could never do – psychologically I still haven’t unlocked the door to the secret as to why I overeat. I have theories, including the love I felt from my grandmother and the southern (fried, natch) food that she provided. This was a woman who made fried chicken for a snack. “Comfort food” is an overused phrase, but it certainly fit in my situation. The picture above shows me at Christmas, skinny and svelte, unawares that my grandmother is opening up the instrument of my downfall: a fry daddy. Would I be able to lose weight if she was still around making hushpuppies? Probably not, but it would be nice to have them and her around to face the challenge. So I am expecting a moderately good weigh in tomorrow – I have exercised a minimum of 60 minutes a day, daily and have a report card of 6 A’s and 1 F – if the news is bad I have some pinpoint ideas, but will wait and see if that’s necessary.

January 25, 2012

This is the Problem. (Jim Oliver's Smokehouse, August 2010)

Date: January 25, 2012

Day #: 310

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/20): 222

Cardio Exercise: 75 Minutes

Food Intake: F

I had predicted the Town Hall meeting this evening would lead to disaster and I was correct. 300+ days into the diet and I still have the inability to control myself around foods I can’t control. Day started great – fruit for breakfast and a half a potato boiled for lunch, so that by 5pm I had only had 2 of my 44 points. So far so VERY good, but the catered BBQ was a disaster. I had one sandwich, sans sauce, no knowledge of the points, but was going to estimate 10, but then I picked at the dry, peppery chicken for a good 15 minutes, at one point totally losing all self-control. I acknowledge this is a problem and I am still not sure of how to avoid it. That being said, I’ll get back on the horse; I did 75 minutes of intense treadmill work that will hopefully counterbalance this, but if this one day ruins Fridays weigh-in I’ll know where the mistake was made. I can cling t0 the fact that I did so well until the meeting; went to the 50% sale at Food Lion and stocked up on Tuna, got some fruit and ignored the cookies and candy, which was plentiful. EARNEST opens this Friday and I have laid in some healthy snacks and fruit that will counterbalance the Snicker-filled concession stand. I have to make it past the opening night catering, which is, again, free food. If I sound down I am, because I’m disappointed in myself; the difference is, before the change this was my daily feeling, and now it’s only when I realize that I’ve made a tragic eating mistake. I can see outside myself and the destructive eating and gorging that I can see. There has to be a psychological component besides “I like the taste,” and that’s the part of myself I need to get a grasp on. Weigh-in day is coming up and I hope to go into the weekend with a positive bump.

January 24, 2012

In New Orleans w/ Ignatious, August 2011, Weight 282 (This Shirt is Now Gone)

Date: January 24, 2012

Day #: 309

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/20): 222

Cardio Exercise: 65 Minutes

Food Intake: A

People ask me what I’ve given up. And that’s an important question, and I have given up lots of things, but the more months I go the more these items seem like things that no longer exist. Remember Freakies Cereal in the early 1970s? I couldn’t have it if I wanted it – it no longer exists. Same with the Baked Ziti at Pisa Pizza – I can crave it all I want, but it isn’t there. That is how I look now at the food that built the body that had to be razed. Buffets, yes, they still exist. Yes, I could belly up to Jenkins over on Ringgold Road and have 5 pieces of fried chicken and a pound of potato salad. I could do it today, but there is a strong part of me that feels that the place is gone, torn down. I know that I can not go there, regardless. In the old days I ordered a pizza (I ate the whole thing) probably twice a week; I haven’t done that since the lifestyle change, although I often see delivery cars in the complex, so I know it still exists. And yes, I can have pizza and fried chicken, and I do, and it can work marvelously in the points system, but my willpower is such that I have to have these items in a controlled, non-buffet restaurant setting, where the portions are controlled. This is why free food is my weakness – an opening night party at the theatre, with food sitting around, I crumble, I am unable to manage it. I eat more than I should, and I do feel guilt, but then you exercise and you start the next day anew…something that, when it happened in previous diets, would simply give me a reason to just quit. Tomorrow night is the monthly Town Hall meeting at work with kids – on the menu is catered BBQ and potato salad. This is where WW doesn’t work – if I don’t make the food or have no knowledge of the nutritional information (I’m looking at you Cracker Barrel!)  it’s hard to make a structured diet day. The old me would try to get as much food as I could, and the old me is not dead – it’s a battle. And in conclusion, one thing I could never give up is movie popcorn – the smell is so Pavlovian that I am unable to resist, and WW gives the points as 5-10-15 depending on size (though some theaters provide nutritional info), but I have discovered that small can calm the need – anything larger and I feel sick. So yesterday had some Rice Krispies, a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch, a small popcorn and after rehearsal a couple of 3 point sandwiches – all in all is a good day well below points. Snuck in an hour of exercise, so it was a good Tuesday.

January 23, 2012

DISNEY'S BEAUTY & THE BEAST Rehearsal August 2009; Weight Unknown

Date: January 23, 2012

Day #: 308

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/20): 222

Cardio Exercise: 90 Minutes

Food Intake: A-

A lot of losing weight is feeling better about yourself, or what I call that “Pruis”y feeling, after the SOUTH PARK ep about feeling superior to others. I had such a moment yesterday. Yesterday AM, around 6:30 in the dark, the rain had come down in buckets, but I dragged myself out of bed and walked up to the complex gym for 60 minutes on the treadmill. BUT the walk up there was over raging waters running down the streets and I stepped full-square into the water, so my socks and shoes were socked, as if I was on some splash-water falls type ride at an 80’s theme park. So I walked with wet, squeaky shoes. Eventually the cold stopped, but putting them in a warm bath afterwards was quite the reward – so I do feel Pruisy – while others slept I continued my mission. Food wise everything was uniform, although I bought some potatoes and cut one up for camping potatoes (3 points for the potato, one for the butter). Skinny-cow free. Before rehearsal I had 30 minutes more on the treadmill for a total of 90 – engrossed in a biography and the complex treadmills makes reading a book easy – the gym treadmills are more for magazines. Weekend went well – best weekend in a while points wise. More rehearsal tonight, had the s’mores and an orange – exciting but filling. Bought more fruit yesterday; grapes were still too expensive! Maybe these bananas will last over a day. Looking forward to the scale on Friday. Hope Hope Hope!

January 22, 2012

January 22, 2012 - First Night of EARNEST Tech

Date: January 22, 2012

Day #: 307

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/20): 222

Cardio Exercise: 70 Minutes

Food Intake: A

Sunday was like a groundhog day. Menu was the same, which brings me to the subject of uniformity. When I was a fatty my clothes were much uniformed because I had so few things that fit. Because of these I wore the same things all the time and eventually they were my shield – I never had to confront being fat because I never had to buy new clothes, and on the rare times I did I could get the same pair of khakis at the fat guy store that I got before and rationalize that a size 58 or 60 was perfectly normal. When I reflect on my level of rationalization just ONE YEAR AGO, I’m in shock. Eating buffets and fast food all day…rationalized. I really find it inconceivable that I could be that person again and would love to go smack him. So uniformity, now I am doing it with my food to some extent. BUT that is because I continuously discover new things and then run them in the ground. There was a salad kick, there was a homemade Ruben kick, there was a (2) Krystals kick. The more “kicks” I can put in my repertoire the more variety, as opposed to uniformity, I can experience. So the food yesterday was similar, with the same results, over 10 points left at the end of the day, with a nice variety of fruit during the day. Tech week started for EARNEST this evening and had an orange and some of those tasty Aldi s’mores (with an incandescent Sprite Zero) waiting for me at intermission. It was the uniformity that got me safely (food wise) through the evening.  I will say that this is the first weekend in a long time I haven’t had some restaurant splurge, so that was a good thing. Tomorrow in Monday and a stressful week at work and the theatre commence, but I feel confident – and Sunday is a two night mini-vacay to Atlanta, home of the food-temptress OK Café. Stay tuned!

January 21, 2012

Backstage at THE FANTASTICKS, October 2010, Weight Unknown

Date: January 21, 2012

Day #: 306

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/20): 222

Cardio Exercise: 90 Minutes

Food Intake: A

Today was a good day, more good choices, less opportunity for cheating. It was a Saturday so I started the day with that new English Muffin trick I learned – had two for a total of 6 points. Did paperwork during the day, although I got distracted by THE LIFE AND TIMES OF HARVEY MILK on cable, but only snacked on fruit during the day, postponing those lunch hunger pains. Went to the gym around 4, did some core work and 55 minutes on the treadmill, but at an intense speed and elevation. Then, as a reward, I did my McD treat, with the fries an incredible mix of heat and salt. Then, to the office, then back to the gym for the other 35 minutes and home. There is a character in Chuck Klosterman’s 2011 novel THE VISIBLE MAN that can’t stop a treadmill until all the numbers are aligned – it’s a form of OCD; I’m not that bad, but I did want to get the 90 minutes in. Beside, I'm enjoying reading Malamud's THE ASSISTANT while I sweat. Nothing says exercise like Brooklyn in 1957. Tomorrow tech week starts at the CTC and I’m the production stage manager for THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST, so exercise time this week will be at a premium – if I keep up with pace I have been doing while continuing work and the play, I will feel quite good about myself; although everything has a trap – when doing a play there is often more food brought in, more free food, my weakness. I know that opening night, Friday, will be catered, so it is another chance to soar – or crash. Once I got home I had a delicious tuna fish sandwich (I may try leaving the mayo out next time – I never liked mayo, it was always in because, well, it’s always been in). I ended the night with the roomie and some TV and one of those damn Skinny Cows. They are almost gone. So ended the day with 13 points left over, as compared to 17 the day before. On a side note, another great side effect of losing weight is that I can shop in thrift stores. As a size 5X it was hard to find a variety of cool T-shirts, but now as a simple XL I can find plenty. On Friday went to the Goodwill in Cleveland and found 7 such shirts – the store is so organized that the T’s were arranged by size and within size, by color. I collect shirts with schools, bars, etc on them. I don’t know where Pearl River Resort in Mississippi is, but I now have a shirt from there!

January 20, 2012

At the Complex Gym, January 2012

Date: January 20, 2012

Day #: 305

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/20): 222

Cardio Exercise: 50 Minutes

Food Intake: A+

Eventually had a good day – it was weigh in day and I had a feeling in my bones that something was going to be hinky – and it was – gained a pound. Now, my rationalizations kicked in and what stands out to me the most is the fact that I have lost 11lbs in the past two weeks, so this week was an evening out. For those interested, I weigh in first thing in the morning, so the flux is always in question, but by doing it first thing I know I’ll have a base read each week. Does a bad weigh in motivate you during the day or have the opposite effect? That’s always the question – for me it did neither because of my ability to rationalize. So food intake was terrific – discovered that Healthy Life, the holy grail of bread, has a 2 point English Muffin – and the Oscar Meyer deli meat, which is 1 point for six pieces…well, you see where I’m going – a 3 point breakfast. Had to kill time in Cleveland but avoided a sit-down restaurant scene and enjoyed my McD regular – very proud of the fact that I can go into a McD, sit with my magazine, eat my cheap, simple meal and then leave – that is a true testament for me, someone who could eat A LOT more in a McD with a magazine and 20 minutes. Interspersed an apple and an orange in the afternoon and followed that with the gym, doing 10 elliptical and 40 on the treadmill – both intensive. Did some core work, took a steam and went home. At home had a baked potato with baco bits and butter with a 3 point sandwich, followed by a Skinny Cow (just 1). All in all the day ended with 17 points left over. So yeah, quite happy. A note on the Skinny Cow – she is a 4 point temptress who needs to leave my house! I did get into (as usual) online with someone who knows best about how to lose weight. I am by NO MEANS perfect and I started this blog to stress that point – but once you lose weight everyone then has an opinion about what you should or shouldn’t do. This yahoo was on the caveman diet (basically: no grains) and was pushing that to someone who thought the Pizza Hut buffet was an appetizer. I will never be the person on the Yoga Mat discussing gluten-free while my bald head shines in the mirror. I do want to stress that each person is an individual and what may work for some may not work for others; right now I have been incredibly lucky and blessed, but I do not take my hard work for granted. It’s like that line in the SUNSCREEN SONG, “Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.”

January 19, 2012

This is Me October 2010 & August 2011

Day #: 304

Starting Weight: 369

Weight (As of 1/13): 221

Cardio Exercise: 90 Minutes

Food Intake: D+

Not a great day today – made lots of mistakes, and the day before weigh-in as well; that is not a good thing. Saw an old habit sneak back – I smacked it back down, but it is humbling to know that despite the weight loss I am from “cured” when it comes to my food intake. Work involved a couple of appointments before lunch followed by a long drive to Pikeville in the late afternoon. First problem was getting up early – had two bowls of Rice Krispies instead of the usual one; ok, not the end of the world. I had a long period between AM appointments and had a hungry kid with me, so we went to McD for an early lunch – still no big deal. One hamburger and small fries is only 13 points and unlike my fat days it totally fills me up. Problem was – it was too early and I did not know I would have time to fill in Pikeville – I had over an hour and saw a cute downtown diner. I am a junkie for downtown diners and this would provide me a late lunch – it’s around 3 here so despite the good menu I have a simple trip to the salad bar – problem: no idea the points on any of it. On the way home I stop by Aldi’s so I can get those Fit & Fitness Ice Cream Sandwiches. Problem: I eat one in the car (old habit!) and then I eat another one (old habit!). Now, they are 4 points each but with the other problems in the day the daily goal of 44 are out the window. At home I have two 3 point sandwiches and fruit. That is nice and normal. THEN I go to the gym, knocking out 60 minutes on the treadmill and 30 on the elliptical (total calories burnt: around 1000), followed by a steam, guzzling over three bottles of water. Did the day even out; probably not, but my new priority is getting those ice cream sandwiches out of the house.  Tomorrow morning is weigh in – hoping for a pound or two, but after losing 11 total in the past two weeks I think this will be a “leveler” week.